Thank You, Recession

The recession has brought many changes to daily life for lots of people, us included. It's surely a longer story, but in short, because of the recession, our law firm offered a year off, which Jeff jumped at since we were having our first baby right when the year off was offered. And, the already-in-place amazing maternity benefits -- including extra time for a C-section-- means that Jeff, Sadie and I spend a lot of time together. And I mean, A LOT.

And, for those of you keeping track, Jeff and I have only been married 9 months so it's not like we have years of experience being right on top of each other working on various projects, such as raising a socially responsible, self-actualized, HAPPY, well-adjusted, independent-but-still-interdependent-with-other-people little girl. We started dating in March 2007, we got engaged in March 2008, we moved into a house together in June 2008, found out about Sadie's existence in November 2008, married later that month, and here we are.

Here we are all together all day long. It's very intense. As we are fond of saying, "it's very intense and very boring, all at the same time."

I have never engaged in so much negotiation in my entire life. The amount of communication that Jeff I engage in day after day in order to run the household is staggering to me, considering I used to go hours at a time without talking to anyone.

Ok, well I would not really ever go that long, but it's a lot of communication about really boring stuff: Are these dishes clean? The baby is asleep, someone should take a shower, do you want to? What should we defrost for dinner? When did you last feed the baby? Are my breasts leaking? Do I look fat?

And that's all before 8:00 a.m. at my house. For the most part I am impressed that we intrepid newlyweds have stepped up to the parenting plate and embraced Sadie and our drastically different lives with joy and enthusiasm. Jeff and I are nothing if not overachieving and determined to be good at the things we do. Parenting is no different. I decided the other day that we have to have other children because Sadie should have someone to share this experience with-- someone else to bitch about her parents when the time comes. I also think that Jeff and I exerting all of our energy-- at least for now-- for Sadie's needs and care is sort of intense and a lot of pressure for one little girl. I really do believe we should spread it around so that all of our attention and projections and love and neurosis isn't aimed right at Sadie.

Also, just in case Sadie doesn't end up with a high earning job, we'll need other kids to fall back on during the years when Jeff and I are infirm and need someone to pay for our round the clock nurse. I will remind Sadie that we got a doula for her-- ok, only one night per week during the month of September-- but with all the healthcare reform about to go down in this great country of ours, that will surely translate to a 15 year stay for Jeff and I at the assisted living home of our choice. In the Cayman Islands.

I really am coming to more acceptance about how much I love her. I probably kiss her little cheeks about 100 times per day. (This is why we need more kids, because that's gonna get old for her really quick once she can talk and assert physical boundaries.) I actually had the thought today when I was holding her in my arms as she fell asleep (hopefully for the night and hopefully for at least 5 hours, please God if you are there give us 5 hours) that I would rather stare at her making funny faces in her sleep and whacking herself with her spastic hands than ANYTHING on the internet.

Anything on the Internet?

That's a bold statement. I mean, the internet has Zappos, and YouTube videos, and Etsy, and all manner of apparel shopping. And, it's the honest truth, that there is nothing more alluring than Sadie's face when she's falling asleep in my arms. And when she woke up briefly and I put my face next to hers she showed me yet another experience that I have never had before when she lifted her little head and projectile vomitted into my my gaping mouth and then smiled the hugest smile I have ever seen spread across her deliciously chubby face.

All I could think was that I hope Sadie uses that smile for good and not evil, because it is so cute and so powerful she could start a world war with it if she wanted to.

I think it's my job to be sure that she never aspires to starting a world war.