The Relaxation Gene

I am so happy to report that Sadie got the relaxation gene. She clearly got that from Jeff, because my idea of relaxation is to run to lay down after a 15-hour day of work, exercise, self-care, and socialization.

Not so little Sadie. She likes to lounge and I like that about her! She likes to hang out in the Bjorn and in our arms and as long as we are holding her correctly-- in the "Princess Perch," where we face her out and create a perch for her with our arm-- she's happy to hang out until her next feeding, or if she is inclined to even deeper relaxation, her next nap.

She actually does seem to be a pretty chilled out LP. Jeff calls her TLP for "the little person," because we are sort of surprised how much she is a little person. It's unbelievable. She's persnickity about a few things, but so long as we comply, she's just smiley and relaxed and it's a thrill to be around her.

Yesterday, we went to visit our friend Nicole, who had twin boys 3 weeks ago. We thought Sadie was so small and fragile until we saw what 8lbs babies look like. Of course, Sadie was born at 8 lbs, but now she's a blazing 11lbs and counting. I thought she was getting heavy to hold, but I can't tell from looking at her on a daily basis, but when we put her next to Nicole's sons, it was amazing to see how she's grown. Our third pediatrician visit is next week (for her 2 month birthday) and I can't wait to get official confirmation of her weight and height. She still seems really long and lean to me -- again, more from her dad's side, those long, lean Ellis'.

This weekend was great fun. We did an elaborate photo shoot, the pictures from which I will post very soon. She's got so much personality and it's so fun to see it in pictures. She can go from smiling to crying in less than .05 seconds, and vice versa. Now, there is some mommy in that for sure! She's found her hand and loves to suck on it. She also loves the Baby Bjorn, as long as she's facing out, so we've been cruising around the neighborhood getting out and about.

I have been getting some exercise, which seems important these days as my moods seem a bit erratic. To be fair, it's still a huge time of transition-- I have only known Sadie, our new roommate and lifelong companion for less than 2 months. Also, I am still digesting that my long-time therapist has prostate cancer. It's not really all about me, but for the parts that are about me, I find the whole Therapist With Cancer theme as a potential obstacle for my trust issues. I haven't seen him since the surgery that allegedly led to the removal of said cancerous prostate, but he's supposed to be back in the office on Friday. Can I just say that I am quite nervous about the first post-prostate-removal meeting? What am I supposed to say? I can imagine making a joke to break the tension or to front the issue? I have been resisting the urge to research prostate cancer on-line because I am afraid of what I will find. In addition to finding articles that will ensure my greatest fear: He will die and I will be a new mom with no therapist, I will likely find out about impotence and urinary issues. Now do I need that?

No, I do not need that.

Anyway, the whole thing has been a very upsetting and harsh introduction to cancer. I have never had any first-hand experience with it. I keep wishing I could nominate someone else to have cancer, not my primary support outside of Jeff and my someone so important to my life. Couldn't God have picked someone less important to my life? I know, it's very unseemly to wish cancer on the lesser service providers in my life and I am doing nothing to help my already besmirched karma, but Jesus, my therapist? That's harsh. That's really harsh.

Instead of sitting around weeping and wondering how I will manage breast feeding annd sitting shiva for my therapist, I am going to find a 5K run that has a theme of eradicating cancer. Any kind of cancer. In the meantime, I can look forward to really rich sessions exploring my propensity to futurize and assume the worst case scenario. After all, he's not dead and look at Arnold Palmer: he's survived prostate cancer for almost 2 decades.