Humble Pie

After yesterday's doctor's visit, I got the go ahead from the Medical Professionals to do whatever I want physically. The doctor's exact words were you have "no limitations." In light of the "no limitations" diagnosis, I decided today that I would see where my body and mind are regarding exercise. Here's what I discovered:

I actually do have some limitations. One of them is my oversized stomach, one is my oversized breasts that are full of milk, and the third is my pride. I stalled as long as possible and with Jeff's support I got out the door for what I hoped would be a nice, easy 10-20 minute foray into the world of cardiovascular exercise, a world from which I banished myself about 10 months ago. The first few steps were the hardest. I didn't recognize my body at all. I could tell that my heart and lungs were in great shape and ready for some exertion, but I was very disconcerted about this floppy stomach I have. I wasn't hating it, although it stretches reality to claim that I was loving it, it was more that I just didn't know how to mechanically do something I used to do before it showed up.

As for the breasts, well, they have been big for a long time. They were big when I ran two marathons, but now they are full. They are heavy and I don't actually have a sports bra to contain them. So that was another hurdle. These are my humps and they have done a good job in the indoor context so I patiently took one step after another and after about 3 blocks I remembered how I love to move my body. I stopped wondering what my neighbors thought of me and I stopped worrying about how long it would take to feel more ease during exercise. I really just looked at my shadow and thought very alarming thoughts. The thoughts were alarming because they were almost all positive. If you know anything about me, you know this is borderline apocalyptic.

I thought about the nice breeze and the gorgeous sunset. When a song called "Sadie, Sadie" came on my iPod, I thought about my perfect, enchanting little baby. I thought about how loving and supportive Jeff was and how I could not have gotten out the door without his encouragement and belief in balance. I really do get how women put on baby weight and never take it off. I actually get that for a lot of reasons, but without Jeff's support and his willingness to hang out with Sadie while I tool around the neighborhood in my post-surgery glory, I would easily give up, buy a bunch of huge clothes to hide in and never move this body again.

It was hard. Did I mention that my body feels so different now than it did back in October 2008? So much has happened. My body has been the field upon which my family has sprouted and now I am running around the neighborhood at a pace that would probably only beat Bob Barker. And, more miraculously still, I didn't really care. The music was good, the light was coming off the sidewalk without too much glare and everyone I made eye contact with smiled at me. I think I was projecting strength and humility and gratitude. What's not to smile at?

So, another humbling experience. Another first for this after-the-baby period. I am glad it's over. I am also glad that no one I know saw me because I can only take so much humility.

The end.