Sometimes I wonder what pieces of my current life will become parts of the future stories I tell Ms. Pepps about the months before she was born. Sometimes I imagine telling her how fun it is to go to work in a law firm during a Depression that has drastically affected the legal field. Other times, I imagine happier stories about how her dad and I spent a lot of time dreaming and thinking about what kind of parents we want to be and what kind of home we are hoping to provide for her. For example, last night Jeff and I had a discussion about what holidays we want to celebrate in our family.

I voted for Passover, because I love the "coming out of slavery" imagery and the tradition. I also voted for painting Easter eggs and hiding them, though leaving out some of the gore of of the crucifixion until Pepps is emotionally ready for that kind of story. I probably just like Easter because I like new clothes and pastel colors. Bunnies are not bad either. Having been raised Catholic, I do have an attachment to parts of Christmas-- the tree and ornaments, stockings, the cookies, the presents, and some of the music. Jeff likes Hannukah as well, and we both like Diwali. We should have our hands full with lots of holidays, though I am thinking those long summer months could use a spicy holiday pick-me-up. I am always super moody on Fourth of July so I don't care to hand my child a sparkler and some pork products and tell her to sing God Bless America, because that will only irritate me more. We may have our hands full in July anyway because it's likely to be Pepps' birthday, as well as yours truly.

It's pretty mind blowing right now to think that the next round of holidays is going to be Ellis-Tate party of 3. Sometimes it feels very far off and sometimes my heart stops when I realize I am less than 2 weeks away from my THIRD trimester. Holy Schmoly. I am getting very excited. I am hoping that the third trimester will bring on the era when my belly sticks out farther than my breasts. Because, so far, that's not the case. If you told me that I was carrying twin babies in my breasts, I would believe you 100%. I just read ahead in a pregnancy book about symptoms in weeks 28-31, and one of those symptoms is ENLARGED BREASTS. What? They are going to get even bigger? I was thinking maybe they are referring to Pepps' breasts, but I think she's got to work on baby fat, brain power and lungs. Seriously, where do you get a size GG bra? And what do you do with the breasts that belong in them?

I TiVo'ed the Oprah show that featured moms talking about the so-called "dirty little secrets" of motherhood. Some of it was hilarious-- like the woman who said she made three of her children lunches made solely out of snacks she had stashed in her car. I felt sad to hear some of it-- like the woman who said she secretly has a favorite child or the woman who said that she sometimes pretends to cry to get her children to behave. Overall, I felt a little afraid about a culture that frames the relationship between parent and child as a "war" or a "power struggle." Call me fussy, but I don't want to have a war against my 10 lb off spring. I am still looking for another model. Something that is less adversarial and more joyful. The challenge seems to be how can mothers and fathers stay involved with the child while taking care of themselves at the same time. And let me tell you, there didn't seem to be any lower-class or poor moms who had time to Skype in to the Oprah show to talk about having to feed children on food stamps or to shop at Aldi for eggs and milk. How lucky we are to have resources and time to spend devoted solely to raising our daughter. I don't forget that for one second. And while I have no idea how we will marshal those resources or spend that time, I know it's a blessing to have as many choices as we do. Now, I can get on with the business of creating a birthplan and making an mix on the iPod that I think will be conducive to peaceful labor.