In the summer of 2006, I asked to be on a committee of associates at my firm who would help the summer interns ("summer associates" in law firm parlance) navigate their professional and social obligations. As an associate, my job was to work with to other associates from different practice groups to plan lunches and outings for our summer charges and to answer their questions. My associate committe consisted of some guy who left the firm shortly thereafter who's name I don't even remember and one Jeff Ellis.
At our first meeting with the summer associates, I remember thinking that Jeff seemed tall and more interesting that I remembered. That is, I had memories of him when he was a summer associate in 2004, at which time I had sort of assumed he was just another boring corporate lawyer who liked to talk about golf, emerging global markets, and the NASDAQ. As unimpressed as I was with him initially, he was even less impressed with me, because he has no recollection of me from that first summer. I even sat right across the table from him at this farewell luncheon at the end of summer 2004-- actually that's where I got my impression that golf stories was all he had to offer-- but he has literally no memory of me being at the table.
But, things shifted in the summer of 2006. Even though we were both dating other people, there was some chemistry there. At the first outing with our summer associates, we sat across from each other at Blue Water Grill and learned that both of us were not big TV watchers, but we were very into Bravo's Top Chef. I also liked him because he didn't drink and he seemed taller and less serious than I remember. We passed the summer tending to the summer associates, who, as I recall, were all wilder and "in the know" about the firm than either Jeff or I was. I remember one afternoon he called and asked me if I would join him and another group of people for a dinner at Keefer's. On the walk from our office to the restaurant that night, I remember him explaining to me what exactly someone who does "private equity" actually does, as well as what those people who consult for McKinsey actually do all day. I liked his mild, methodical nature. I remember him walking me home that night and me having the impression that he was more complicated and interesting than I gave him credit for in our initial meetings. I distinctly remember telling my friend Debbie, "there's this cute bald guy at work who doesn't drink." In my world that's the description of a real keeper.
That summer I left the firm for a year to clerk for a federal judge, and Jeff and I kept in touch. He invited to have dinner with him at La Scarola in October, so we could talk about his recent trip to Italy. That morning, however, I was sick and ended up cancelling our dinner. Later that night when my then-beau demonstrated his trademark signs of ambivalence, I kept thinking about Jeff and wondering what I was missing by not having dinner with him at La Scarola.
In January 2009, I got an email from Jeff inviting me to join him and friends for an evening of Tourandot. I agreed, even though I was still dating what's-his-name. Before the opera, Jeff invited me and another colleague to his house to have pasta and watch a PowerPoint presentation he created, which explained something about the history of Tourandot and also gave some background into Puccini's life and career. I was intrigued. I also left that evening sure that Jeff was gay and probably dating the male colleague who joined us for the opera.
What's-his-name and I broke up. Three weeks later I asked Jeff to join me and a group of friends at a concert at House of Blues (Rusted Root). We had a fun time and I remember thinking that Jeff seemed like such a grown up, settled, secure person. He was funny and chatty, but didn't seem to be trying too hard to impress anyone, which in turn made me feel very relaxed.
We started dating. I returned to the firm after my clerkship in September 2007. I dial his extension about 4 times a day on average and when I was newly pregnant and didn't know what the hell my body was doing, I would go to his office and lay on his floor so he could console me and tell me that the baby was fine. In later pregnancy stages, particularly the "Chocolate Stage," I would go to his office, sit in his chair, and rummage through his office looking for bite-sized Snickers and Milky Way bars. You know, if you eat about 10 of those, you just about get full-sized chocolate fix. In even later pregnancy stages, I would go to his office and return to the floor and count the baby's kicks.
Working at the same place as Jeff has lots of advantages. Plenty of days found me up in his office crying or asking for a hug or asking for reassurance about any number of things.
And, today is Jeff's last day at the firm. I am happy for him to be free to find a greener pasture and to find a position that will allow him to be home for me and Peppermint during what will likely be the harried early days of her life. I am sad for me to not have a friend and husband at the office anymore. I am sad about the end of a really important era in ours lives: it all began here and there are lots of joint memories about this place.
To say that I am adverse to change, even change for the better, is a laughable minimization. I come by this honestly. My father has had the same phone number since he returned from Vietnam in 1969. My father's father died in the exact same room he was born in down in Waxahachie, Texas. My parents have lived in the same house all of my life. Big changes, the kind that show up on the insurance forms and create paperwork mazes for people, scare me and bring on a season of mourning that I find rather unpleasant.
And, I also cried a lot when what's-his-name and I broke up. It lasted 3 weeks and then came the tall, bald, nice guy from work, who is now my husband, the father of my child, and my erstwhile co-worker. We'll all stay tuned to see what is next for Jeff!
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