Lessons Learned

Perhaps if I don't want other people labeling me as "hormonal," I should rethink using hormones as an excuse for my own naughty behavior. Specifically, my tic from last night, which included yelling expletives that start with the letter "F" and rhyme with "duck," at the top of my lungs at work. Not during normal business hours, but still.

Also, if the city of Chicago wants to encourage pregnant women to be healthy and active, perhaps there should be more places that will allow them to use the bathroom when they are out on their city walks. Do you understand that there is a human head sitting on top of my bladder, which makes it difficult to walk the 3 blocks home to use my own bathroom? Throw a woman a bone, proprietors!

Finally, if you are a superstitious pregnant woman and believe that saying anything negative about pregnancy or motherhood or, God forbid, your Beloved unborn child, will bring grave consequences and even danger to you and your family, then you simply lodge what, in other months would be a complaint, but label it as a "report." For example, you can tell your loved ones and other people interested in the condition of your bowels, the following: "I am not complaining, but just reporting, that in the third trimester of pregnancy, the most significant developments are bones and brains for the baby and hemorrhoids and constipation for mama." Then, you can give yourself permission to give a more detailed report about your own personal experience with all of the above.