Bumpy Business

This weekend while in LA for some much needed sunshine and balmy breezes, Jeff and I found our way to a maternity store for some much more needed maternity pants for yours truly. I had no idea how fun it would be to shop for the most comfortable pants on God's green (or snowy white) earth. My favorite part was the practice bump that you can strap on while you are buying clothes. Jeff and I had a good time trying to figure out where exactly on my expanding core the bump should be resting. Jeff says this is too low:


So we moved it up and here's how it will look if I end up carrying Peppermint "high." We had a good time and my inner shopper is so thrilled to have a collection of new stores that I have never ever patrolled before. Goodbye Ann Taylor Loft and hello Motherhood Maternity. Although, in truth, most of the clothes in Motherhood Maternity looked a little skanky, more like something Brittney Spears' sister would wear than a woman with a professional degree in a large urban city. But when you are desperate for pants, you too will take up your spot in the check out line along side Jamie Lynn Spears and a host of other teenaged mothers.

So, what does my non-enhanced bump look like at 14.4 weeks? You can see from the below picture there is a real pressing need for some maternity pants. My vast collection of "fat" clothes that I have on hand for the days I feel a little bloated or want to polish off an entire plate of nachos at Chili's by myself without any waistline discomfort, just won't work any more. Here's why:

Inside that sexy brown paneling is Peppermint yearning for space to be free to stretch his or her budding limbs and to roll around in mama's fatty-rich placenta. The ascetic upside is that my butt looks amazingly slim next to the bulbous developments in front. I literally feel like I have a totally flat ass. Maybe I should get one of those bumps and strap it onto my ass! I would at least be more balanced!

I am excited about the process of picking out an outfit to wear to work tomorrow because it will not longer hurt to zip my pants at the end of the day, thanks to the paneled beauty of my new baby-lovin' pants. I'll be the hot one whose panel will show when her sweater rides up above her waist line.