Family Recipe

As I can see impending motherhood on the horizon, I am beginning to reach backwards into my own childhood and discern what to share with Peppermint when I meet her face to face. This weekend I delved into the murky waters of "Family Recipes," and the only one I have is for these delicious chocolate chip brownies that were the specialty of the house with my Grandmother O'Brien. As a kid, I thought these brownies were the single greatest food in the universe. Since our family was not really into passing down family recipes it never occurred to me that I could make them myself. I sort of operated under the assumption that they passed along with Grandmother. (*This is the Grandmother who refused to be called "Grandma" or "Gramms"; it had to be "Grandmother.") But, when I was in the throes of first trimester nausea, I developed one of my only genuine cravings for Grandmother O'Brien's brownies. I got the recipe from my younger sister and was delighted to see that it accommodated my relative lack of familiarity and skill in the kitchen. That is, these damn brownies have 3 ingredients:

1 box of Graham Crackers
1 bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips
2 cans of condensed milk

Mix it all together and bake for 23 minutes and you have yourself a little slice of my cajun ancestry. As simple as it is, I fucked it up the first time, because when my sister mentioned you should use a shallow pan, it turns out that was one of the most important parts of the recipe. My first attempt at this recipe ended up with a big mushy pile in a too-deep pyrex dish. Luckily, our dinner guests that night were gracious-- and witty-- and named the dessert for reasons that now escape me, Grandma's Ashes. I can't remember why, but it seemed to fit at the time, as an ironic nickname for the runniest dessert I have dipped my spoon (and fingers) into.

But this weekend, Grandmother's spirit guided my hands as I found the two shallowest pans in our house and made 2 batches of the golden brownie goodness. Do I think this is the greatest dessert ever? No, not by any measure. I still love it because it tastes like being 5-years old and beside myself with excitement that my grandparents were coming to visit us. I remember pulling a stool over to my Grandmother's counter to watch her make this dessert. Seems like it took forever at the time, so imagine how I would have felt if there were more than three freaking ingredients! I have memories of my tiny size 0 Grandmother licking the silver disk-shaped top of the can of condensed milk saying how much she loved it's milky sweetness. I still can't bring myself to lick any part of that condensed milk-- not until it's mixed heartily with the graham crackers and chocolate. It reminds me of a the long-gone days when a three-ingredient brownie seemed like the most delectable dish in the world. That was long before I learned about molten chocolate cakes and parsnip crepes.

Honestly, I have no idea if I will ever share this recipe with Peppermint. I have no idea how I would like to proceed with her and her relationship to sugar and desserts, or food in general for that matter. I mostly hope she has a more harmonious relationship to food (and pleasure with food) than I had when I was a kid. What I do want to share with Peppermint is the memories I have of being small and the thrill of doing things with adults that I loved. I hope her cache of "Family Recipes" is overflowing with memories of being included in meals and meal preparation with me, and Jeff, and all of our friends and family. I know that Jeff's mom is a fabulous cook and I have a great memory of baking oatmeal raisin cookies with her (Jeff's favorite) 5 days before our wedding-- we spent a considerable amount of time talking about Peppermint that afternoon and it seems fitting that she would join us one day (soon!) for a little baking and dreaming in the afternoon. I hope the sweetness in the relationship always outshines the sweetness in the dessert.