September's Twilight

September was a big month for Sadie-- she visited Starbucks and Target for the first time, crossed the state line into Wisconsin, went to her first shopping mall (Old Orchard), attended mommy-and-baby yoga class, and she began showing signs of real potential to sleep through the night. This is a great baby, I'm telling you.

At her doctor's appointment on September 24, we learned that she is 11lbs 11oz, which is so close to the magical 12lbs, where allegedly babies can sleep through the night. Not sure about that, but on September 26, Joyce and I put her to bed at 6:45 p.m. and she slept until 4:20 a.m. I went into her room about 5 times to be sure she was still breathing, but now that we know she can do that, her little wake up through the night tricks are not going to work on us. Ok, they totally still will, but we'll always have September 26th!

She also started liking the bath. Well, actually it's the shower and we get in there and hold her and scrub her down and she squeals with joy! It's so much fun to hang out with her as she is discovering the parts of the world where she can experience pleasure and joy and new sensations.

We are also learning some hard lessons as parents. Turns out that every person who has written a parenting books thinks that her or his viewpoint or cause is the most important. We invested in a sleep book that I am vowing not to read cover-to-cover because it's very rigid and will drive me nuts. It's also not interested in anything except sleep, so the author is basically like "screw the attachment parenting and screw the La Leche League, your kid must sleep or she will end up in an insane asylum." It's a little too doom and gloom for me, though I have peeked at some of the charts and suggestions and even tried a few. We usually try to keep Sadie up until 7:00 pm, but the book said try to have a bedtime a little closer to 6:00 p.m. Well, last night I tried it and it seemed to work great. Sadie went right to sleep at 6:15 p.m. and slept for six hours before waking up to eat. It would be nice if there was one solution that didn't require me to sit vigilantly waiting for Sadie to display the first signs of possible fatigue all day long and then stop everything to be sure she gets optimal, motionless sleep in her crib, but mama has needs to and getting out of the house (with and without Sadie) is really important to me and my mental health.

I was able to have a gigantic appreciation and gratitude attack for Sadie this morning during mommy and baby yoga class. There were babies there who were younger than our demure 9-week old Sadie, and some of them were fussing wildly like Sadie used to do. I remembered how stressful and upsetting it was to hear all that crying and to be unsure of how to deal with it in public. A baby friendly yoga class is as good as being at home, but it's still stressful to watch other mothers doing sun salutations while their babies coo beatifully by their sides as your own baby wails as if she is being tortured in some way. For her part, Sadie just looked around and watched me try to stretch my body for the first time since the C-section. When she got a little bit upset, I nursed her for 5 minutes and she fell asleep for the rest of the class. It was very helpful to see other mothers dealing with their babies at various ages and to hear stories about the weeks to come.

I think the yoga really mellowed Sadie out because when we got home we sat on the couch reading for a long time. She usually wants to be up on her princess perch, but she was content to sit on the couch and read US Magazine with me. (Should I lie and say it was Middlemarch or The Economist? It wasn't-- it was all about Jessica Simpson's life in shambles and MacKenzie Phillips' shocking allegations about her father's poor sexual boundaries.) Not exactly approved by Dr. Sears or the American College of Pediatrics, but damn, I just had to see those outfits from the Emmy's one more time.

Happy 2 Months of Life

Dear Sadie,

Happy 2 months of life! I can't believe the miracle of you. I have no words and we have yet to find a single picture that alone stands for how much you have changed my life for the better. The sound of your voice learning to make sounds and communicate with us (also known as cooing) and the sheer vibrancy of your little spirit are a force like none other I have ever known. I love you madly and am so happy to be your mom. I look forward to many more months with you and I think we all did a good job these first 2. Once I figured out that you really did need your diaper changed about every 2.5 hours. It sure has been uphill since then, kiddo.

You are the greatest gift ever. I pray to be the mother you deserve.

I love you and your perfect, scrumptious little cheeks more than I can say.

OXOXO,

Mama

SPOKE TOO SOON

Sadly, I spoke a little too soon when I was waxing eloquently about how sad I am that Sadie sleeps through the night. And, while she may be very close, last night she treated us to her company at 12:00 a.m., 2:30 a.m., 4:00 a.m., and 5:00 a.m.

She's so damn cute I almost don't mind, but then again, sleep is really, really grand when I can get it.

Multi-tasking

Here's mom rocking the multitasking. Exhibit A for Sadie if she ever enters therapy. She can support any claim that I didn't pay 100% attention to her all the time. In my defense, it is the Sunday Styles section of the NYT.

Crib Notes

Time: 6:43 p.m.

Day: Sunday

I just put Sadie to sleep for the night (we hope) in her crib. She nursed for one hour and was so tired so the time seemed right. Jeff put her in her crib to nap this morning while I went to spin class, and she seemed unphased when I put her to sleep this evening. We have the CD of "falling rain" cranked up to soothe her and to deflect all the noise we make one floor below-- we're clumsy and someone always drops a fork on the way to the dinner "table" or the couch as it is more properly called in our house. It's weird to have her sleeping, but not in our room. I was able to fold some clothes and lay out an outfit for tomorrow -- for the big outing to therapy where one needs the right outfit to project inner peace, but not so peaceful that I didn't need to drag my ass out of bed to take public transportation to see a doctor about tweaking said inner peace. Tell me that's an easy outfit to find!

She seemed a little cranky today, which I totally respect, because I am not a huge fan of Sundays. Never have been. I find Sundays mournful, a little boring, and I tend to get all out of sorts during the long afternoon stretch. Looks like Sadie was feeling some of that today after our lovely morning walking to the farmers' market and having brunch at Feast. Neither one of us seemed to get any pep in our step today, but maybe a night after some great crib sleeping will restore the umph in the house. I think we have to work on our Sunday routine; I think we may be a little isolated so we are thinking of mixing things up and being more social on Sundays. I am open for ideas. We still count our blessings that she loves the Baby Bjorn so we can walk for miles with her in it. We know she's technically too young to be riding face forward, but if we so much as suggest that she ride facing inward she wails so loud I think I could get arrested for cruelty to a child. So we just hold her head and put some padding behind the straps and hope that we can avoid any "well meaning advice" from someone pointing out that we are doing it wrong, because believe me, I have plenty of that in my own head, thank you very much.

And, as for her little sun hat, it's only about 3 sizes too big. We have tried to find one in her size, but you wouldn't believe how hard that is. I am sure it will only get harder as we sink into the fall months and prepare for winter. Our hospital told us never to expose the baby to direct sunlight so you would think there is a huge market for items that will cover a baby while out during the daylight hours. Don't tell me that retailers think that parents aren't taking their children out in the sun-- that can't be, but we can't find a hat and I will be doing extensive on-line searches this evening to see if we can't find her something better than a hat that makes her look like one of the Golden Girls.

Anyway, I resisted the urge to get into my pajamas tonight at 4:00 p.m. like I did last night for our rocking Saturday night watching the last hour of the Tina Fey vehicle, Baby Mama, which I slept through when we first tried to watch it on Thursday. We were all in our pajamas pretty early here, but it's a gray Sunday so we leaned into the whole Day of Rest mythology and watched some E! Television to see who's wearing what at the Emmy's.

We are heading towards Miss Sadie's ninth week of life. Tomorrow marks 8 weeks since we got home from the hospital. If you ask me my favorite part of being Sadie's mom, I would say that the opportunity every single day to bring her comfort is the highlight of the whole thing. I used to freak out when Sadie would cry and now I take those opportunities to tell her exactly what I would like to hear when I am freaking out: "You are safe. Mommy is right here. Everything is just as it should be. You have everything you need. All is right in the world. It's healthy to cry and let the feelings out. I am proud of you. I love you. You are perfect." I love it when she finally settles down and seems to be hearing what I am saying and believing me. I actually believe what I am saying. She is safe. She does have everything she needs, and if not, we'll get it for her. All is well in the world. It is ok to cry and be upset. There is something so sublime about sharing that comfort with Sadie and creating a world where my words are true.

Perspective, It's All About Perspective

Last week was a great week in the life of the Tate-Ellis family. First of all, we visited our friend Nicole, who had twin sons (Jack and Max) three weeks ago. Sadie looked like a giant baby next to the little guys and we certainly have a much greater appreciation for what it means to have only one child at a time. Jack and Max are adorable little love bugs and still it looks like demanding work to have twins.

On Thursday night Sadie did something very, very strange. She slept, and slept, and slept. I almost want to say she just about slept through the night. We put her to sleep at 7:20 p.m. and didn't really hear a peep out of her until about 2:45 a.m. Then, I fed her until 3:15 a.m. and she slept again until 6:45 a.m. It was hard not to run into her room screaming, "who is this imposter baby?" but it was our dear sweet one just snoozing the night away. And, of course, I have a theory about this. Friends of mine suggested that sleeping near me, so close to the breast, might keep Sadie awake because she can sense that the breast milk buffet is only one foot away. So, during the Thursday night sleep fest, I decided I would sleep on the couch one floor away to see if she would stay asleep longer. Jeff, the mensch that he always is, decided that he would join me on the couch instead of going down to the first floor for an uninterrupted sleepapalooza. Every time I go upstairs and sleep right next to her co-sleeper (side car for the big people bed) she wakes up within 15 minutes of me getting settled. This business about babies being so sensitive is not a crock of hooey; it appears to be real and operating in our family.

Tonight our dear doula comes for her 11 p.m. - 7 a.m. shift so that Jeff and I both can retire to the first floor for some uninterrupted sleep. I have to say I approach this "scientific" information about Sadie sleeping better the farther away I am from her with great ambivalence. On the one hand, what parent of a little baby wants to hold on to those ragged nights of on-edge catnapping where your nerves get shot as you assume your baby is going to cry at any given moment? Those nights are long and grueling even if the baby ends up sleeping; they are grueling precisely because you never know. And, for all the havoc that type of "sleeping" wreaks on a family, it's still precious. Maybe I can say that because I am optimistically assuming those days of waking up 5 times every night may be becoming part of Sadie's young past. But, some real bonding among me, Sadie and Jeff happened in those nights. We had our little system that we constantly modified in response to Sadie's ever changing needs/personality. Obviously, I will still feed her in the middle of the night and cherish each moment of bleary-eyed snuggling, but the bigger point is that at 8 weeks old, Sadie is already passing through stages. It's time to let go of the super-chaotic newborn sleep gig (here's hoping) and look into some separation at bedtime.

As with almost every single thing associated with this experience (and, frankly, most others as well), I have to let go of my preconceived ideas. I was up for having Sadie in my bedroom for a long time. I didn't mention this to Jeff-- who has been excited to test out the baby monitor that will allow us peace of mind when Sadie is about 10 yards away in her own room-- but I was thinking she'd bunk up with us for at least 6 months. I had visions of her sleeping in her little co-sleeper next to me and visions of her needing me that close to her for months. It appears, however, that she sleeps better and longer if I get up off her grill and give her some space. I feel some sadness about that. It's yet another example of having an idea of how an ideal mother-daughter relationship would unfold between me and Sadie that's really just an idea. In reality, it's probably healthier for everyone to (1) get more sleep; (2) accept separation when Sadie demonstrates she's ready and it works for her; (3) that the parents have physical proximity to one another during the night and not the parent-child; and (4) that I be willing to have my ideal, but also be willing to adapt when it proves that it doesn't produce the best outcome for our family.

She's such a great baby and so perfect for us. We love everything about her. If this sleeping thing is for real, I am nominating her for baby of the year. If this sleeping thing was just a fluke, I am still nominating her for baby of the year. She's the littlest love of my life.

What's in the Water

Today, I realized that before I had Sadie, there was a 4 week stretch when me and 4 of my 7 bridesmaids were pregnant. You know what that means? It means there's a shitload of hormones going around my circle of friends so TREAD LIGHTLY. It also means there are cravings and nausea and freak outs galore, which I actually am grateful for because they keep me from feeling like the lone friend going berserk here out on a limb. There's lots of people I love out on limbs so be careful when you shake the tree-- there may be a contagion of falling women whose hormones are rising and falling faster than the reputation of one Kanye West.

We had a brilliant day today. Sadie took a scrumptious 3 hour nap this morning and then we took a family stroll to have lunch. The real cherry on top was when we went to the Levi store to buy dad some new jeans. If you knew the state of Jeff's jeans prior to the purchase at the Levi's store, you would understand why it was so glorious to see him shimmy into, and actually approve of, the Levi 559's. I am proud of him for buying 2 pairs and cannot wait for him to put them on for our date night, when I hope occurs before 2020.

Actually, one of the benefits of having friends who are in the family way, in addition to the shared psychosis, is that we hope they will want to babysit for us to "practice" before having their own little ones. This strategy will only work on first-timers, but we hope to leverage it to our advantage. After all, we are honeymooners.

And, speaking of strategery, today I was holding Sadie and looking at her face while she was evacuating her bowels and you know what? She looked EXACTLY like George W. Bush. You may not believe me, but there was this sort of loopy look on her face and she had a furrowed brow and I swear she looked just like our previous president. Hey, don't blame me, I voted for Obama.